Carb Fest!

OK, so I submitted. I have been keeping myself clean and adherent to the straight and narrow for lo the past 15 years, and finally succumbed to temptation. After 15 years! Who does that???

Yesterday afternoon, I deliberately marched into Sweet Tomatoes, and proceeded to indulge in my favorite carbs: Fresh multigrain bread, cream of mushroom soup, clam chowder, apple crumble with vanilla yogurt, then vanilla yogurt with chocolate sauce. Did I mention carb fest?? It was d-e-l-i-c-i-o-u-s! It was comforting and it was wonderful that I was alone! That, of course, is essential to such a binge.

Am I pleased with myself? Not in the least. But I understand it. It kind of makes sense that I craved carbs so much. I am one week back in the States after visiting Japan, my jet-lagged body is still recuperating; my job  been restructured in my absence to now include four new hospitals; I injured my knee which is interfering with my usual morning exercise; my mother gave me her car, which had been a source of conflict between us, and which also requires some running around to coordinate details of title transfer; and my mother has been in rehab since I returned. To say that I have some serious stress is an understatement. Carbs, especially simple carbs, such as baked goods and sugar, produce a calming sensation, induce sleep and are otherwise considered "comfort" foods, because they, in fact, comfort. So, in light of the stress that I have been under, it is not surprising that I craved those carbs. I need some comfort, and I need some sleep! Especially sleep.

It is not an excuse. I don't like it that I am so vulnerable to stress. Indeed, I don't like it that I have as much stress as this. I want to return to the time when I felt clear-minded enough to write and organize my thoughts. I don't feel creative, don't even want to put on any makeup.

The good part is that it will pass. Things will fall into place; everything will happen as it should; eventually my sleep pattern will regulate itself; my knee will heal; my morning walks will resume afresh; I will find a comfortable routine in my work; and my mother will be healed, and back at home. Everything will be all right, and I will once again regain my perspective and commitment to healthy living.