Thursday, November 8, 2012

Overeaters Anonymous

I began this lifestyle in January of 1997, after I realized that dieting - or the quick fix I requested from my doctor at the time - would not be a lasting measure.  Even if he had consented to giving me appetite suppressants, he made it clear that I could not take them for the rest of my life (which I knew, of course), and that somehow I would need to learn how to eat properly on my own.  I decided then to join Overeaters Anonymous and use all the tools that program provided, including reading their approved material, going to meetings, writing in my workbook, and talking to my sponsor on a regular basis.  My program also consisted of planning my meals in advance, and adhering to my plan.  I tend to be very compliant, so when I gave my word to my sponsor, I never deviated.  Never. 

But ... and this is a big but, I resented the program.  There were multiple areas that simply did not jibe with my belief system; did not fit in with my intellect.  I hesitate to write about it, lest I should offend some readers, but the concept of "disease" bothered me terribly.  The approved readings which I was required to do on a daily basis were based on Alcoholics Anonymous, where the disease state of alcoholism is well established.  However, in the case of eating - or rather, overeating - disease does not quite fit.  Yet, that is what my sponsor drummed into my head, again and again and again; and that is what I heard repeatedly at all the meetings I attended.  The meetings themselves were forums where overweight individuals gathered, most of them shabbily dressed and generally unkempt (as if being overweight somehow was synonymous with being disheveled), and were morosely recounting their woes and misery at being fat or not being able to control themselves.  The concept of disease was prevalent throughout all those meetings, and the participants seemed to revel in that (disease) state, heavy and forlorn that they had been thus afflicted with a disease "over which they had no control." That is what I resented most of all.

And yet I stayed and participated for a good five or six years. 

There is no question that I learned quite a bit, the most important aspect being that dieting does not work.  And I have come to expand on that concept.  In fact, dieting is not supposed to work - WE are.  A diet is simply a program of eating, a plan of eating, a regimen, menu, whatever you want to call it.  It does not work - the one who uses it does the work.  And the one who uses it does the work - not some higher power outside of oneself.  That was another concept that was difficult to accept.  I repeatedly heard program participants whine that they had no control over their eating, but were somehow able to accomplish whatever they did because their Higher Power made it possible.  The obvious factor here was summarily overlooked - that it was THEY who were ultimately responsible for following the program, whether they chose to think they were inspired by a power outside of themselves or not.  They were responsible - for overeating or for not overeating.

Although I learned quite a bit from the program, I also massaged the program and applied it to myself.  I still experience periods of loss of control, especially when I am stressed or particularly tired.  A very useful tool I learned from the program was the maxim, Don't let yourself get too tired, too hungry, too lonely, or too bored."  That was, and remains, a terrific tool for me, although I haven't yet learned how to not be too stressed.

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