What Happened? Derailment!

I find myself once again reading my own book, "Diet Proof Your Life," the namesake of this blog.  I have been lax with my own practices recently, and that plunged me into a new depression.  In fact, I was even beginning to contemplate the merits of eating "real" sugar, instead of the chemicals that make up artificial sweeteners.  I even tasted a half teaspoonful of my husband's ice cream.  Many of those reading this blog might snicker at this observation, but avoiding sugar has been my own practice over the last 15 years, and I have allowed myself to become lax.  That's the crux of this entry -- not the sugar, per se.  I have relaxed my own standards, and I'm upset.  Now I'm revisiting my writings that had been the foundation of my program.  Have I allowed some of my discoveries to lie fallow?  Have I abandoned some of them?  Have I allowed stress to become bigger than it ought to have been?

Toastmasters is now in a three-week hiatus, and I miss it.  I miss the striving, the slight butterflies in my stomach, the camaraderie.  The Christmas season says nothing to me, except to irritate me with the obnoxious ads on television, and people rushing about buying, buying, buying, and seeming to miss the message that is Christmas.  The media are focused almost exclusively on the retail side of the season, and people oblige.  And in the process of rushing around, they seem to forget about each other -- certainly, that's true in my circle: everyone is busy, everyone is rushing "to buy a dress," or to finish shopping for presents, going into debt they won't repay for at least a year. 

Back to my relaxation of my tenets.  For quite a while now, I have indulged in chips of various kinds, from corn chips (tortillas) to chips made of falafel.  Yes, I'm avoiding white flour, but whom I am kidding?  I cannot control how many chips I consume.   I've been eating them as if they were water!  I am deluding myself only.  Also, I've discovered some sugar-free deserts which I've been consuming like they've been going out of style.  Again, those are the triggers that I talked about my book: take a look at everything that triggers you, the foods, the situations, the locations, the people.  In Overeaters Anonymous, they have a saying: Don't let yourself get too hungry, too tired, too lonely or too angry.  They are right.  For the "too hungry" element, force yourself to eat at regular intervals, hungry or not.  If you know that you must eat three meals and a snack, do it.  Avoiding a meal to save calories will only backfire later on when you are too ravenous to think clearly.  For the "too tired" element, don't push yourself beyond your own reserves.  It only serves to depress you, depress your endurance and your spirit, and frequently, the only remedy, the quickest remedy is food, and fast food at that, whether purchased at a restaurant or something grabbed from the fridge, something quick to raise the blood sugar!  And for my part, I don't just stop with a small piece of something -- I continue until I'm stuffed, and depressed, after not knowing what the heck happened!  Sound familiar??  For the "too lonely" part, this holiday season is a problem for many, many folks, Yours Truly included.  I want to get together with my friends, with my groups, with my family.  Yet, everything is coccooned with other people.  How ironic!  Christmas is a big rush up until the very morning when the kids scream around the tree, then everyone pulls back to his or her own activities!  I want my regular life.  I don't indulge in decorations, or a tree, or artificial shopping, and I just want my regular routine!  As for the "too angry," part, since I hate confrontations, too angry for me means that I pull back, withdraw into a stony silence as a way to calm down.  I do calm down eventually, and during that time, harbor some rather dark thoughts.  That can't be healthy.